


You Don't Know How Lucky You Are

by OrdinaryThings



Series: Hellers [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Dean stops being an asshole, Episode: s15e04 Atomic Monsters, Fix-It, Fluff, It's me again hoes, M/M, Phone Calls, Uggly apology, apology, for a moment tho, sort of fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:27:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22839283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrdinaryThings/pseuds/OrdinaryThings
Summary: Driving the impala, on the way home, Dean decides to leave a voice mail.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Hellers [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1514303
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	You Don't Know How Lucky You Are

Sam had fallen asleep, his forehead glued to the glass of the passenger window reminded Dean of how much he liked to scare him in this kind of situation, but he doesn't even think about doing it, he's too tired for it. Thus, he takes his attention back to the road, which has been empty since they started the road. Only a couple of psychopaths would think of driving at that time.

Dean thinks about everything that happened that day, about the boy he had just decapitated, about his lunch sandwich and about the chaos that is his head at that moment. He thinks over Jack again, and all the possibilities that could have happened to be where he is right now.

Dean always wanted to be a dad. Not for nothing in particular but the feeling of instructing, loving and protecting had been with him since he held little Sammy for the first time.

He would like to feel like a great dad.

He remembers with a little smile the misplaced questions of Jack and his innate innocence towards everything around him, to suddenly bring back the memory of Jack on his knees looking at the weapon Dean was pointing at him. That falls like a bucket of cold water, Dean never wanted any of that, not really.

He looks back at Sam and realizes how stupid he has been.

Everything Dean has done, all the lives he has saved, all the cases he has solved, all the blood he has shed means nothing without the people he loves and Dean is crowned as the greatest idiot in history to realize how much he hurt Castiel, and the little idea he has of how to fix it.

Cas has been his home for too long, and Dean thinks he has taken for granted too many times. He was certain that, no matter what he did or said, he would always be there for Dean, and it had been that way until then. So, he pretended to not care for so long that he has barely noticed the damage he has done to the person he loves most.

He decides to stop the Impala, making sure Sam continues sleeping and takes his phone out of his right pocket. Presses the call icon, and selects the first button.

It is not surprising that he receives no response in the first, nor the second, nor in the third beep; He is not even surprised when he is sent to voicemail, in reality, it is the least he deserves.

The female robotic voice tells him to wait a few seconds before he starts talking, to which Dean takes a deep breath and, finally after several seconds that seem centuries, he says.

_Hey cas._

_It's me._

_Uh ... I guess my voice is the last thing you want to hear right now but I ask you to listen to me._

_Cas._

_I'm sorry._

_I've been so confused lately, and I don't want you to think that what I'm saying are excuses to justify the way I treated you or the things I told you._

_But I do want you to understand that even though this idiot yelled at you, he didn't listen to you and treated you the way he did ... he still loves you._

_Being with you has given me a home._

_And the truth is that ... Ah Cas, sure you should have hung up the phone by now, I don't know what I did to deserve you to keep listening to me... for real, I know that sometimes I tend to generalize everything, and I won't lie to tell you that there’s still a part of me that believes everything I told you._

_But that part of me doesn't know what to believe in._

_We have been through so much together that sometimes I am surprised at how much you have endured me. I never believed that anyone, other than my own brother, and not even him, could end up supporting me as much as you have._

_I think I was saved by you and so far, I believe I really didn't deserve it._

_However, my work was always based on saving lives and every time I failed, every time someone is hurt because me, I feel that my entire existence is meaningless._

_It's ... It’'s why sometimes I get angry and tend to ruin things by blaming the first thing that prevented me from saving the life._

_But now I realize that what you have always tried to do is save mine._

_I'm so sorry, Cas._

_I really am._

_For all the things I've told you, for everything, really._

_I know I'm the biggest idiot in history so I don't need you to listen to me anymore._

_It's fine if you don't want to forgive me._

_I hope ... I hope you are fine ... Wherever you are and know that the bunker is your home._

_Sam misses you so much …_

_So do I._

Dean hangs up the phone, starts the engine again and has nothing more to say until he reaches the bunker. So he turns on the old radio and waits for the best.


End file.
